bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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