oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
