well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
