So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
