Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
