She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
