A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish you could order shots online.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
