I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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