And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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