That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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