if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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