I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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