we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize