So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
