two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
