I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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