if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
