One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
