You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
