i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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