is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize