I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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