i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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