Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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