Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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