A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
