So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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