ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
