You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize