"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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