so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
