Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
