By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
