I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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