i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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