i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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