How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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