You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
