Swine flu. Run for my life!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
