see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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