You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
