it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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