Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
