mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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