Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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