Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize