Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
