:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
