you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
