I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
