the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
