That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I lost the right to judge tonight
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
