you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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