Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
