hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
