i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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