I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize