P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
