My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
