could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
