yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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