is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
