so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
