I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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