Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
