I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
