and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
