dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't deserve a penis
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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